The Playroom - Saint Andrew's Cross

Crack!

THE ART OF THE ST. ANDREW’S CROSS

Cassandre Dayne

     I’m an erotic romance author and have done copious amount of research for my books because I write a lot about BDSM. I’m not going to try and tell you I’m an expert but in my research I’ve spent time with several true Dom’s and Masters discussing the lifestyle and they’ve allowed me into their worlds in eye opening ways.

     Many people enjoy a bit of kink and while couples of all types may indulge in a little vanilla spanking, purchasing and using sex toys and even shackling your partner every once in awhile, few people truly engage in the art of BDSM. Or do they? The practice is more widespread than you think however. Domination and submission has been around for centuries and with the explosion of the internet you can find almost anything and anybody you’re looking for. I caution anyone who may be thinking about doing this and don’t have a partner, be careful. Many say they know what they’re doing and they don’t. Remember that trust is the number one aspect of engaging in any sexual games. If you and your partner are curious of course you can learn and read and there are also Masters who will provide training for you as a couple.

     One of the aspects of BDSM is restraining and disciplining subs. What many people don’t understand is that whipping, caning, flogging and spanking are not simply used in methods of punishment. For those who engage in the lifestyle subs often crave being flogged and even some enter what is known as subspace. Don’t get me wrong, in talking with several Dom’s they do punish but typically certain methodologies are reserved for playtime or as the Dom I speak with most – the time for “using” his sub.

     That’s where spanking benches and other apparatuses come into play and one of the favored pieces is the St. Andrew’s Cross or more popularly know as the “X” Cross because of it’s simple design. Whether in polished wood or steel the oversized piece is in the shape of an “x”. Subs are restrained at their wrists and ankles in various ways from leather straps to chains and are whipped with various selected tools.

 

     That sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But in truth the playtime does or needs to go further. Meaning – you really need to have someone who knows what they’re doing before they pick up a whip and start beating their sub. That’s not what this is about. Don’t get me wrong, there are true sadists out there who enjoy nothing more than flogging or beating a sub with zero regard to their welfare or their enjoyment. Sadists get their pleasure from giving pain. That’s it. They don’t care if they harm you at all.

     As my Dom has said – if I would consider moving into the lifestyle or even for measured playtime he would hurt me but not harm me. His pleasure would be seeing me getting pleasure from the whipping and of course other aspects of playing. That’s not to say that there won’t be welts and bruising. Depending on your skin and how the implement is handled – of course the sub is going to have marks. That’s part also of what this is about. But if the Dom or Domme knows what they’re doing they can tell almost instantly when it’s time to stop. It’s been said that as some subs enter the heightened state of pleasure they beg for more. This is what is known as subspace – the moment of pure ecstasy where the dichotomy of pain and pleasure is at its pinnacle.

     For the cross itself there are things to look for when considering purchasing. First of all there are companies that specialize in the design and built and many places offer custom designs. There are those who practice the art who build them but I caution those who don’t know the building industry etc as many of the crosses have been known to topple over. Some of these are free standing while others are attached to walls. I’ve even seen some that if vanilla style friends would come over would not be noticed at all – almost like a dazzling piece of art on the wall.

 

     The shackles can be custom made or purchased through many online sites. Now the cross isn’t just used for whipping either. Imagine the possibilities of using toys on your sub. Mmmm…  For those of you who might be considering moving into the realm of BDSM I will always tell you to do your homework thoroughly. If you either allow yourself to get into a situation with someone you don’t know or if you try something with your partner you haven’t researched and its not what you expect, you probably won’t try this again. But for those of you who do enjoy, it’s a lifetime experience.

    

Kisses   xxx

Cassandre

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'Real' BDSM

Today I find myself in the mood for a little rant. lol.

While doing research and exploring the BDSM community, you see a lot of comments about being a 'true submissive' or a 'true dominant'. If you talk to those who've been in the lifestyle for any length of time, however, you will find that they hate those terms. There is no such thing. You either are a submissive, or you're not. You either are a dominant, or you're not. Just because you don't submit to every dominant personality, or Dom everyone around you, doesn't make you any less of what you are.

The same holds true with BDSM. I've found many, especially those outside of the lifestyle, who feel that if pain or bondage is not involved then it isn't BDSM. That just is not the case.

First, let's define BDSM. Bondage & Discipline. Domination & submission. Sadism & Masochism.

What do these terms mean and why are they broken down? Because anyone of these things, or combination there of, fall under BDSM. A person does not have to enjoy pain. They don't have to like being tied up either. There are also those who want to be tied up and flogged, but have no desire to be dominated in any way. Fetishes take all different forms, and they all fall under the BDSM heading.

There is not 'real' BDSM. Wants and needs in a relationship are what you make of them.

So what does this have to do with anything you might ask? Where is the rant? Something I've noticed in a few reviews Slave has received is the disregard or the lessening of the BDSM element in the story. There is no impact play, pain, or bondage in Slave. There is, however, a clear domination and submission dynamic. This is BDSM. Yes, it is a milder form than seems to find its way into many BDSM novels, but it IS BDSM none the less.

Slave has gotten some really great reviews, and I'm grateful to everyone who has taken the time to do so. However, I'd like your opinion. How do you feel about it? Should a novel be deemed 'less than' because it lacks what is the norm in the mainstream?

Freedom

Happy 4th of July Weekend!

For those in the US, this weekend is full of BBQ's, fireworks, and a whole lot of red, white, and blue as we celebrate the birth of our nation and our freedom.

Freedom is such an interesting concept when it comes to BDSM. Most outside the lifestyle see submissives as having no, or very little, freedom whatsoever. It is ironic that most submissives, however, find submitting to their Dom/Domme to be a freeing experience.

I asked a submissive friend of mine to share her feelings.

"You are free to let go of every burden that society throws on you. You are free to let go of every mask you usually wear for many reasons. And you are finally free to be only yourself. No fear that someone will bother you or attack you because of who you are. You can let go everything and just to be yourself."

I mentioned a website in a previous post where I have done research for my story. It gives information on so many varying subjects including male submission. I thought I'd share a section with you that I feel is relevant to the topic at hand.
"Submitting to a dominant female allows me to drop my "maleness" at the door and become a sometimes fragile human being.

The daily stress of my professional life can become overwhelming at times. I have to make decisions that affect others; some positive, often times, negatively . As a heterosexual male, I am expected to wear a persona of "masculinity".

Submission, by and large is considered by many a weakness. In my opinion, submission is not a symbol of weakness, but rather one of strength. It takes almost inhuman strength to let go of the pain and the humiliation and anger and all the other emotions that we face every single day of our lives. My release oftentimes comes in the form of tears. Remember, we are raised as children to believe that tears were for "sissies" and were not allowed to shed tears. One of the reasons that I submit is to surrender to my need to cry. To shed tears that would otherwise be considered "unmanly". My Mistress calls them her "gift".

Submission does not mean I have a low opinion of myself. It does not mean I crave humiliation or embarrassment at the hands of every person, or dominant female I cross paths with. What it does mean though, is that I am free to "let go" of the daily stresses where I am in charge. Where I am in control. I can safely let another guide me while soaring within"subspace"."                                                                                  http://www.seekers.org.uk/mistress.htm

Whether male or female, submissives feel a sense of freedom when they are submitting to their Doms/Dommes. It is a release, a way for them to be who they are without judgement from society.

Research

I received this question from Ena via formspring...

I was wondering if you would post some of your research on  your blog. I know you did a lot of research for the series and how much would you say had to be 'trimmed off' because there was too much--or the opposite, expanded.

This is an excellent question, Ena. Thank you. :)

When I first started doing research for this story, I was somewhat frustrated. I would type in BDSM and most of what would come up were porn sites. It wasn't exactly what I was looking for.

Finally I stumbled onto a few websites and blogs of submissives/slaves, which helped a great deal. One of them was about collars and their meanings.  That site is where I got the idea of a collar of protection for Brianna. I was going to post the link here, but apparently the website is no longer active.

At the beginning, I really just tried to think back to some of the other BDSM stories I'd read while taking in the personalities of my two characters. I was also reading a story written by a switch in Germany, so I sent her a few e-mails asking questions regarding the lifestyle in general. She was very helpful in getting the wheels turning in my head and pointing me in the right direction.

It wasn't until I befriended a slave on-line, however, that my access to knowledge began to expand. My friend, pointed me to a great informational website.

http://www.seekers.org.uk/home.htm

I found this website extremely helpful. It breaks the lifestyle down for those who are interested in knowing the basics of submission, Dominance, play, clubs, etc.

As I continued writing, I also met more of those who live the lifestyle and was able to get some real life answers to my questions. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent picking the brains of both Dominants and submissives. There is one chapter that will be in the second book of this series that I spent eight hours hashing out with my friend's Master to get the correct level of realism and what I wanted. We finally called it 'done' at three o'clock in the morning.

I would have to say that I've done more expanding than trimming off, but both have occurred at one point and time; it's just a natural part of the editing process. For example with the chapter I was referencing above, I cut about 1,000 words from that chapter, however, I add almost that much in its place. In Slave, I've definitely done more adding than trimming. In fact, the entire third chapter is new material. I've also added some content throughout for various reasons.

To say that my research for this series is completely would be a total lie. I learn more about D/s every day through my research, through talking to those in the lifestyle, and just through casual observations. It has been a rewarding experience for me where I've met some wonderful friends and gotten to know more about myself as well as my relationship with others in the process.