Today I find myself in the mood for a little rant. lol.
While doing research and exploring the BDSM community, you see a lot of comments about being a 'true submissive' or a 'true dominant'. If you talk to those who've been in the lifestyle for any length of time, however, you will find that they hate those terms. There is no such thing. You either are a submissive, or you're not. You either are a dominant, or you're not. Just because you don't submit to every dominant personality, or Dom everyone around you, doesn't make you any less of what you are.
The same holds true with BDSM. I've found many, especially those outside of the lifestyle, who feel that if pain or bondage is not involved then it isn't BDSM. That just is not the case.
First, let's define BDSM. Bondage & Discipline. Domination & submission. Sadism & Masochism.
What do these terms mean and why are they broken down? Because anyone of these things, or combination there of, fall under BDSM. A person does not have to enjoy pain. They don't have to like being tied up either. There are also those who want to be tied up and flogged, but have no desire to be dominated in any way. Fetishes take all different forms, and they all fall under the BDSM heading.
There is not 'real' BDSM. Wants and needs in a relationship are what you make of them.
So what does this have to do with anything you might ask? Where is the rant? Something I've noticed in a few reviews Slave has received is the disregard or the lessening of the BDSM element in the story. There is no impact play, pain, or bondage in Slave. There is, however, a clear domination and submission dynamic. This is BDSM. Yes, it is a milder form than seems to find its way into many BDSM novels, but it IS BDSM none the less.
Slave has gotten some really great reviews, and I'm grateful to everyone who has taken the time to do so. However, I'd like your opinion. How do you feel about it? Should a novel be deemed 'less than' because it lacks what is the norm in the mainstream?
Dear Sherri,
ReplyDeleteYour novel IS about BDSM! If someone says the contrary they have no idea what they are talking about. Domination & submission... Brianna faced sadism & masochism and was abused... How many women did also go through that on the path of seeking the peace that they can just feel by submitting? At the feet of their Dom's? There are a lot of fake Doms and subs out there that only want a quick sex scape but the ones that choose the life style is because it's in their nature. I just don't judge anybody... I just want to be happy instead of being right! Please keep up the blog and The Playroom also... Thanks a lot!
Thanks, Meire. I have no plans to stop blogging, so have no fear. As I said, this was just a rant I felt the need to get off my chest.
ReplyDeleteHi Sherri~
ReplyDeleteI am looking forward to reading about Anna, the series sounds wonderful. I appreciate your rant because it helps educate others to know that people who practice BDSM in a broad term may or may not do certain things. I have seen and experienced the tame to the extreme and all I can say to help people understand is your kink may not be my kink. Just like anything else, we all have different things we enjoy, it's matching the Dominant and submissive together by those things they enjoy that make it all work!
Thank you for your comments, star DF. I've seen both extremes as well. You're right. It is mostly about matching right Dominant to the right submissive.
ReplyDelete