This week I've come across a few posts and situations where I've begun to wonder if all subs think that Doms are mind readers. Do they really think that just because a Dom prefers to be in control of a given situation that they can reach into the recesses of a subs mind and know what it is that's bothering them? The funny thing is that I've heard men say this of women for years, but I'm finding that it doesn't matter the gender.
Let me give you some examples of what I've seen/encountered this past week. First a female sub who is upset because her Dom wasn't able to spend their scheduled time together because she has been having a bad month and needed him and their time. A male sub who gets upset when his Domme instructed him to stretch out his arm before starting work because it was hurting, but he had already done so without her knowledge. And the most jaw dropping one I read this week was from a sub who was questioning whether or not her Dom has raped her because he had had sex with her after a punishment and she wasn't into it nor did she want it, but she never used her safe word. From what I gathered from the post, she didn't even attempt to stop him in anyway.
In all three of these examples I am left with the perplexing question of why these three subs did not open their mouths and communicate with their Doms. Good Dom/mes want to know what's going through their subs heads. It helps them to not only understand, but also plan for other situations they both may encounter that this new information could effect. It may be as simple as staying in for the night rather than going out into a crowd or just the need for a long conversation so that everyone is on the same page with expectations. The worst thing a sub can do is not talk to their Dom about things that are bothering them. That means that even if they are in the middle of the scene and something isn't right, they use their safe words so that it can be addressed.
I'm not saying that Doms are always the best communicators because I've met a few that were horrible at it. But I will say that those Doms who truly do try to be good Doms at least make the attempt.
Have you had any experience in this, from either side? Have you seen it happen?
Showing posts with label submisive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label submisive. Show all posts
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
BDSM in the Vanilla World
I was surfing through a BDSM forum last night and a submissive posted about a situation she and her Master encountered recently. It got me to thinking about how I would have reacted both now and before I started writing and reading BDSM.fiction.
For a little background on the situation...
The couple was at a fair viewing a stage presentation, and actor on stage asked for audience participation. When the submissive was one of the ones selected, a few things happened, meant to be in jest due to the content of the show, and she and her Master put on a little display of their own in the form of their D/s dynamic. Most of the people in the audience, including those on stage, just rolled with what was happening and some of them chuckled and just went with it. There was one lady in the audience, however, who felt the need to speak up. Throughout the remainder of the show, she continued to made rude comments about how she'd never bow down to a man or be controlled by a man, etc. Eventually the sub had enough and turned to address the woman, defending both herself and her Master.
That leads me back to my original thought. What would I have done? How would I have reacted both now and then?
To be honest, I have no idea to either of those questions. I've never been one to heckle, and unless I felt the woman was in distress, I couldn't see myself saying anything even before I knew what BDSM was. And even though I've witnessed a few BDSM relationships now, I'm still not sure how I would react. It is something to ponder however.
The upside to this tale is that after the show, one of the other actors walked up to the submissive and her Master, placed a necklace of beads around her neck and told her that she knew what was happening and that the submissive had made her Master proud by her actions.
So what would you do? Would you be the heckler or the woman who came up after? How would you react if you'd witnessed a situation like that out in public?
For a little background on the situation...
The couple was at a fair viewing a stage presentation, and actor on stage asked for audience participation. When the submissive was one of the ones selected, a few things happened, meant to be in jest due to the content of the show, and she and her Master put on a little display of their own in the form of their D/s dynamic. Most of the people in the audience, including those on stage, just rolled with what was happening and some of them chuckled and just went with it. There was one lady in the audience, however, who felt the need to speak up. Throughout the remainder of the show, she continued to made rude comments about how she'd never bow down to a man or be controlled by a man, etc. Eventually the sub had enough and turned to address the woman, defending both herself and her Master.
That leads me back to my original thought. What would I have done? How would I have reacted both now and then?
To be honest, I have no idea to either of those questions. I've never been one to heckle, and unless I felt the woman was in distress, I couldn't see myself saying anything even before I knew what BDSM was. And even though I've witnessed a few BDSM relationships now, I'm still not sure how I would react. It is something to ponder however.
The upside to this tale is that after the show, one of the other actors walked up to the submissive and her Master, placed a necklace of beads around her neck and told her that she knew what was happening and that the submissive had made her Master proud by her actions.
So what would you do? Would you be the heckler or the woman who came up after? How would you react if you'd witnessed a situation like that out in public?
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