Mind Reader

This week I've come across a few posts and situations where I've begun to wonder if all subs think that Doms are mind readers. Do they really think that just because a Dom prefers to be in control of a given situation that they can reach into the recesses of a subs mind and know what it is that's bothering them? The funny thing is that I've heard men say this of women for years, but I'm finding that it doesn't matter the gender.

Let me give you some examples of what I've seen/encountered this past week. First a female sub who is upset because her Dom wasn't able to spend their scheduled time together because she has been having a bad month and needed him and their time. A male sub who gets upset when his Domme instructed him to stretch out his arm before starting work because it was hurting, but he had already done so without her knowledge. And the most jaw dropping one I read this week was from a sub who was questioning whether or not her Dom has raped her because he had had sex with her after a punishment and she wasn't into it nor did she want it, but she never used her safe word. From what I gathered from the post, she didn't even attempt to stop him in anyway.


In all three of these examples I am left with the perplexing question of why these three subs did not open their mouths and communicate with their Doms. Good Dom/mes want to know what's going through their subs heads. It helps them to not only understand, but also plan for other situations they both may encounter that this new information could effect. It may be as simple as staying in for the night rather than going out into a crowd or just the need for a long conversation so that everyone is on the same page with expectations. The worst thing a sub can do is not talk to their Dom about things that are bothering them. That means that even if they are in the middle of the scene and something isn't right, they use their safe words so that it can be addressed.

I'm not saying that Doms are always the best communicators because I've met a few that were horrible at it. But I will say that those Doms who truly do try to be good Doms at least make the attempt.

Have you had any experience in this, from either side? Have you seen it happen?

The Playroom - Fireplay

Today I'm welcoming our first guest blogger, La Crimson Femme. I met her over at Goodreads, and she's agreed to share with us a little about her favorite thing in BDSM: Fireplay. 

I am a deviant little girl who enjoys being taken to task and disciplined. ~ La Crimson Femme.

I LOVE FIREPLAY

Since the first time I read about fireplay in a BDSM story, I've been curious. Are you curious about fireplay? I experience fireplay at a party once and I was hooked. It was a great as I imagined. I had to learn more about it and I attended a class. For those who haven't heard of fireplay or want to learn more, here's my notes from class. I will also relay my personal experience. I hope you will relay your experience too!

Safety

Let's get this out of the way before we get to the good stuff.

Fireplay is considered edgeplay. It is best to have your safety gear all laid out and in easy reach.

1. Always have a fire extinguisher handy. Know where they are located.
2. Always have water within reach. Water in a spray bottle is recommended.
3. If the players have long hair, make sure it's out of the way.
4. Blanket on the face to protect and for the hair too. Fire fumes can burn the lungs. The blanket or towel on the face helps this out.

Now, the above safety items are dull to talk about in a fictional book, so rarely do authors mention it. These are for those who want to play. For those who skip these safety items, it doesn't mean that death or burns are imminent. All it means is that there is higher risk of injury. (Do you all wear your seat belt every time you are in a car? Do you force passengers in the back to wear their seat belts too? Do you wear seat belt when you are in a cab? I do only because I enjoy the restraint of a seat belt. ^_^ )

Back to the topic at hand.

Tools

Fire wands are 100% cotton. There should be no polyester. Polyester bad.

The only type of alcohol to use is 70% isopropyl. 90% will burn too hot. 50% doesn't have enough alcohol and won't light up as easily. Ethanol is oil based and BAD.

Some people like to use Vodka, Whiskey, Tequila, etc. Not recommended. I'm only going to provide the safe ones. If you want to experiment, go ahead. Let me know how it goes. I will not accept any medical bills.

There are multiple kinds of fireplay?

YES! There are. I've only experienced fire tickling, fire wanding and fire cupping. I would like to experience fire kissing and fire knife.

Fire wanding is the standard using a fire wand dipped in alcohol and then lit on fire. The flaming wand is rubbed across the sub's body. The flames appear on the body. Fire tickling is more like drumming on a sub's body with a flaming wand. Fire cupping doesn't actually involve fire on the sub's body. Instead, it's using the Chinese cupping technique to heat up the air in the glass cup and then sticking it on the sub's body. The hot air when cooled, will cause a suction to pull the skin into the cup. The intensity depends on the size of the cup and the heat of the air in the cup. This one will leave bruises that look similar to a huge octopus attacking with its suckers. Does it hurt? Very good. Feels soooo goood.

I'd like to thank La Crimson Femme for posting today. This is a subject on which I was absolutely clueless, and I can now say I at least know what fireplay is! :) 

I am still looking for a guest blogger for next month's 'The Playroom', so if you'd like to share you favorite BDSM toy, piece of equiptment, etc. please leave me a comment along with an e-mail address. Until then...play safe!