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This blog is dedicated to my Finding Anna series, and it's characters. I've developed it to be an interactive resource for my readers. Take a look around. Visit the playroom. Get to know each of the characters and even ask them questions. Above all...enjoy!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

BDSM in the Vanilla World

I was surfing through a BDSM forum last night and a submissive posted about a situation she and her Master encountered recently. It got me to thinking about how I would have reacted both now and before I started writing and reading BDSM.fiction.

For a little background on the situation...

The couple was at a fair viewing a stage presentation, and actor on stage asked for audience participation. When the submissive was one of the ones selected, a few things happened, meant to be in jest due to the content of the show, and she and her Master put on a little display of their own in the form of their D/s dynamic. Most of the people in the audience, including those on stage, just rolled with what was happening and some of them chuckled and just went with it. There was one lady in the audience, however, who felt the need to speak up. Throughout the remainder of the show, she continued to made rude comments about how she'd never bow down to a man or be controlled by a man, etc. Eventually the sub had enough and turned to address the woman, defending both herself and her Master.

That leads me back to my original thought. What would I have done? How would I have reacted both now and then?

To be honest,  I have no idea to either of those questions. I've never been one to heckle, and unless I felt the woman was in distress, I couldn't see myself saying anything even before I knew what BDSM was. And even though I've witnessed a few BDSM relationships now, I'm still not sure how I would react. It is something to ponder however.

The upside to this tale is that after the show, one of the other actors walked up to the submissive and her Master, placed a necklace of beads around her neck and told her that she knew what was happening and that the submissive had made her Master proud by her actions.

So what would you do? Would you be the heckler or the woman who came up after? How would you react if you'd witnessed a situation like that out in public?

8 comments:

  1. Sherri, that is a very deep question and to be honest, I don't know. By nature, I am not a heckler, so I'm sure I wouldn't have hurled insults at the couple. However, I do wonder if I would have been able to tell the difference between the woman being in real distress or if I would have recognized it as a healthy D/s relationship? It's an interesting question indeed.

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  2. So few people understand the D/s relationship. You have the historical "Traditional submissive woman role" propagated by religion where the woman is not a submissive but a subjugated non-human and has no rights. Where as a sub in a healthy relationship is submissive but treated with respect by her master.

    The heckler probably grew up in a household where the women were chattel and treated as sub humans or non-humans. She probably fought hard just to have the right to have her own thoughts.

    Not all women who sub do so for healthy reasons as not all men who are dominate do so for healthy reasons. In other words, some people are just assholes or mentally unstable and that is why D/s relationships are seen as unhealthy by too many people. I would honestly think the D/s were part of the show and that it was arranged before hand.

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  3. I believe relationships between two consenting adults do not concern me. I was in a group once where the submissive wore handcuffs into 7-11 to fetch her Dom some coffee. She handled it perfectly well.
    In a judgmental world, it could be easy to vocally admonish or dismiss someone's behavior; however, I choose to live and let live.
    BTW, did June Cleaver really do anything different each week on that 50's sitcom??????

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  4. Great question and blog, Sherri! I am not a heckler, although I do sometimes mutter loudly. lol. In that situation, though, where the scene obviously was entertainment, I'm trying to figure out why the heckler was there if she wasn't into seeing some BDSM play?

    Now, if I'm walking through Wal-Mart and see someone with long hair (down or in a bun) and a long jeans skirt (that's the "uniform" of the local religious submissives--sorry if that's how anyone in a healthy D/s dresses!) with an abusive-looking Dom who is humiliating her and she's taking it with her head down and tears coming down her face--hmmm--well, I'd probably still say nothing, because, let's face it, that's more of the relationship Sara described above, and she's probably there by choice. Anything I could say would probably just make her feel worse, get her beaten when she got home, and totally wouldn't change the fact that she was subjugated by the guy, and would nothing could be done to un-brainwash her.

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  5. Heckling performers is never appropriate. Though sometimes there is a "plant" in the audience heckling as part of the show. If I were to see something that JDLR (cop-speak for Just Don't Look Right), I'd contact authorities to investigate. Then the woman and man would be interviewed separately, and a determination made as to whether or not the situation was consensual, and within legal limits. Sometimes, though rarely, kidnap victims are rescued this way.

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  6. My personal opinion is that SSC (or RACK) is an essential part of BDSM. Even for people living 24/7. That means you don't subject vanillas who haven't consented to your dynamic to displays of kink.

    Having said THAT... if it's something non-sexual, like using certain protocols such as how the submissive addresses the Dominant, that's fine, IMO. Hell, I'm not one to judge because I walk around with a collar locked on my neck 24/7. Most people think it's some sort of necklace. The heckler should have stfu.

    However, if it was part of the show, and within the stated scope of what the audience would have seen, I likewise would have probably thought it was part of the act, even if I did peg what the significance was. I certainly wouldn't have interfered, although I might have turned around and told the heckler to stfu. LOL

    I was at a concert once and a woman who turned out to be a kajira asked about my collar and I told her. She thought it was cool. LOL

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  7. I would be the woman that gave the beads. I don't think people now a days know that even as a audience we have to have courtesy to those on stage. I understand the D/s life style but this couple DIDN'T have to get up on stage and give this performance. And tha woman that heckled DIDN'T have to stay and belittle this couple to HER stupidity.
    I think the actors should've said something about NOT heckling the couple on stage because they were asked to be there and maybe explain that the sub will not be in a situation where they are emotionally/physically distressed and that there is instilled a "safeword" if they don't like a situation..
    There are STILL closed minded people in the world and that gives me a heavy heart for the people that and riduculed for their ways..
    GRRRRR!! I SAY!!!

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