July is finally here. Slave will be released in just a couple of weeks. I can't wait. Hopefully, neither can you. :)
So I mentioned that starting this month I would be adding a new piece of equipment to The Playroom. For the month of July, I selected a leather collar.
Collars are important in BDSM relationships for several reasons. There are many different types and some are cuffs or bracelets rather than a traditional collar. I'll be exploring some of those in later posts, but no matter what it physically is, the meaning is the same.
For Dominants, collars are a symbol of possession, ownership, and commitment. Giving a collar to a submissive is not something they take lightly. By presenting a collar to a submissive, by marking them as theirs, they are taking a vow to be that persons Dominant, to look after their needs. There are good Dominants and bad ones. The good ones take this commitment very seriously and do not enter into it flippantly.
For submissives, collars are also symbols of ownership, possession, of safety. A collared submissive always has someone they can go to, they are never truly alone. Their Dominant has committed to always be there for them whenever they need them. Submissives take comfort in knowing that someone accepts them for who they truly are and will help them to achieve their maximum potential.
There are so many different types of collars, even leather collars. The one I choose this month is an inch and a half wide. It happens to be a fairly simple design with a d-ring at the front. There is also a place for attachment at the back according to the retailer.
I like the simplicity of this collar. It isn't flashy or overly cumbersome, but you know it's there.
This is what I have in mind that Brianna is wearing the first time Stephan meets her in chapter 2.
I know several Doms, some of whom are extremely rigid and others who are very flexible. At one time or another I have had discussions with them about collars, it's pretty difficult not to in my situation. There are two responses from two separate Doms that stick with me.
ReplyDeleteOne, who was very rigid, said collars were not always worn on the neck. She pointed out that the symbolism still exists if you wear a "non-traditional" collar on anywhere else on the body. Depending on the situation and Submissive, she may or may not present a collar before being asked. Her meaning of a collar is similar to what you described although she does have more symbolism than the “basics”. She reminds her Subs that while they may have a collar, it still has a clasp. It's their choice to wear it, not hers. She have her previous Sub a long ribbon in place of a collar that she takes with her when she goes into public for long periods. It often stayed in her bag, hidden, but the fact is that she had it. When they separated, it was returned with no hard feelings from either party.
The second, who is very flexible and similar to my own situation Dom (and who is a very close friend), stated that the concept of collars was (for him) thrown out the window. His philosophy is that each Dom-Sub relationship is different, as are the people. You can't rely on constants. He allows his Subs to tell him what *they* think collars mean and will only give them one if they ask--and then give him a safe reason. It's not something they get for being good or bad. He doesn't believe in punishment or rewards, stating no Sub is an animal. One doesn't deserve a cookie for following guidelines (flexible, unlike rules). His current Sub is also a trauma survivor, and unlike her last safe Dom, has demonstrated several times the difference between praise, pride (for her, not because of her) and rewards. The same goes for collars. I know her rather well, and this is the first time I've yet to see her not ask for a collar. Not because she doesn't want one, but because the need for one (protection) has been displayed in other ways. He gives her freedom and permissions her other Doms (abusive and non) didn't, and right now, that is enough.
My own collar is a beautiful necklace rather than what many think of when they think “collar”. The fact that my Dom is situation rather than constant doesn't matter. It was given to me as a token of respect and friendship, of equality. What made this more unique was that he gave me this when I was a constant Sub. It was his way of giving me the symbolism of a collar without, in his words, “representing the disgusting farce” that was the collar of my abusive dom (he doesn't deserve a capital).
I guess the whole point of this ramble was to remind everyone that collars are very versatile. Like most things in the world, there are basic, very generalized symbolism and definitions behind them. But it also must be remembered that no two situations are different.
~Ena
Thank you for your comments, Ena. As always, they are insightful and helpful.
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes so long even *I* think twice about wanting to read them. :p
ReplyDelete-Ena
lol. Not at all. I am a novice, not an expert. I appreciate insight from those who've lived the lifestyle for any length of time. Plus, relationships and arrangements vary so much. It is always nice to have others sharing their knowledge.
ReplyDelete~Sherri