The Art of Negotiation

Over the last few months, I've seen a lot of discussion on negotiation in BDSM relationships. This process seems to be fascinating to some, like it's a new concept, but isn't this what happens in any relationship? Or maybe I should say, isn't this what should happen in any relationship?

Whenever I research a topic, I like to go back to the basics. So what does negotiation mean exactly? According to the dictionary, negotiation is: mutual discussion and arrangement of the terms of a transaction or agreement.

Seems pretty simple, right? Both parties talk and find common ground.

In vanilla (non BDSM) relationships, this process is often lumped in the 'getting to know you' category. But should it be?

Negotiation is one concept where I feel those that practice BDSM tend to get it right more than those in more conventional relationships. Because of the exaggerated dynamics that can usually be found in BDSM relationships, expectations are clearly laid out and discussed in most cases. What does each party want out of the relationship? Do they desire something long term or short term? What are eaches hard limits (things they are not willing to do). What do they want to try, experience?

In vanilla relationships this can be anything from getting married to children to career goals for each partner. These same things are often on the negotiating table of a BDSM relationship as well, but it goes a step farther than that. Not many vanilla couples I know talk about their expectations of each other in the bedroom. Many times, sex is allowed to develop 'naturally'. The problem with this, however, is that the partners can't read each other's minds.

So what does negotiation mean in a relationship, BDSM or otherwise? It can actually mean a great many things. There are some couples out there that write everything down. In BDSM, this is known as a contract. Others take a less clinical approach and discuss things on a regular bases with open communication. If one partner is interested in trying something new, they bring it up to the other partner, maybe do some research, and then decide as a couple if it's something they want to persue.

How about you? How do you and your partner address new facets to your relationship? Do you have a specific time and place for discussion? Do you have a contract that lays everything out?

Need Update And...

All of you have been chomping at the bit for Need's release on July 26th. I am too!

I am so excited for the release of the second book in my Finding Anna series. It was wonderful going back and spending time again with Stephan and Brianna.

Currently, I am working on the edits for Need. We are over halfway through the process, and so far everything is going smoothly. After reading Need, one of my editors commented that although she'd really liked Stephan in Slave, she fell in love with him in Need. Hopefully you all will feel the same way.

My publisher, The Writer's Coffee Shop Publishing House, will be releasing their summer catalogue later this week, which will list Need: Finding Anna Book 2 as an upcoming title. Before that information is released to the general public, I wanted to share the cover and summary for my upcoming book with my readers. Thank you all for your support, and here is a little treat for you. :)

As Brianna comes to terms with the realization that she is no longer a slave, she must figure out what she wants for her life. Forgetting her past isn’t an option. It is an integral part of who she is now, and it will forever shape her view of life. The one thing she knows is that she cannot imagine her life without the man who saved her, but can she be what he needs?

Stephan never imagined falling in love with the woman he rescued, but the thought of her no longer being part of his life is physically painful. The scars from her past continue to haunt her, and he is helpless to stop them. All he can do is try to help her work through the traumas of her past. Can he be everything she needs and help her move on?

The two must figure out how to navigate not only their relationship with each other, but also the outside world. A friend from Brianna’s past shows up where she least expects them, and Uncle Richard continues to enforce his well-meaning agenda to get Brianna more traditional help. As forces, both friend and foe, threaten to tear them apart, Stephan and Brianna have to navigate the turbulent waters and find what they need in each other.